Speak to Me

meditation

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“You need to go into the bedroom and pray", my husband says
I should get down on my knees, but there are so many distractions around me
So I use the only and the best tool God has given me
When others pray, I write what it is I need...

Sigh! This isn’t working…
God, please listen to me!
This pain is eating me up inside
And I can’t stoop crying…

Please shut out the noise of the TV in the living room…
Mom's in there watching the news
And she is part of the torment I'm going through
Why me, Lord?
Why not one of my other brothers or sister?
They know mother as she used to be
And not the mother she was to me...
Why am I the one You chose to care for her?
Why must I be the one, you know the depth of my hurt?
And my dreams last night...
Billie, Lord!?
Another woman who has caused me great pain...
Why must I comfort her, in her last days?!
Don't I matter? Don't I count?
Is forgiveness what this is all about?
Is it hers, or is it mine?
Why have you brought her back into my life?
Just when I had finally found true happiness of my own?
Can't someone else reach these two?
Couldn't you find someone else to choose?
Can't the past just leave me alone?
It has no place in my new life and home
Please God, just help me to cope...
Please God, tell me what I need to know...
And if it absolutely must be me....
Give me your strength Lord, I'll need it to succeed!
Sigh! Okay, Lord. I guess I'm through...
My tears have dried upon my lace
Forgive me. Lord. If I'm wrong feeling this way
Change my heart Lord, and put your unconditional love in its place...
In my heart of hearts Lord, this is what I pray.

-- Tammy Hornbeck